Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you something?

What, pray tell, was that, you ask? You are probably confused by its utter batshit quotient. You are probably even more confused if you happen to have noticed that those people are singing numbers from the 1991 Yeston/Kopit review.

Well, you'll just have to check out my sexy review to find out. Come with me down the rabbit hole.

Will wonders never cease? There is apparently another Phantom of the Opera/Sherlock Holmes crossover out there, and eagle-eyed Blair emailed me to let me know (thanks!). What literary wonders could it possibly contain? I don't know, but judging by the forthcoming sequel, which involves both characters teaming up against Jekyll/Hyde, it will either be amazing or make me move to Tibet to become a Buddhist nun, and either will certainly be interesting.

I've really got to step up the pace if my list is going to continue growing like this!

You'll all be pleased to discover that my latest literary adventure was a fantastical one, and not in the usual sense where I'm using that word to communicate how much it made my frontal lobe ache. There's a new review up, and while it's something a little bit different this time, I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I enjoyed reading the book.

In other news, this is the sixth month in a row with only one review. For shame. Luckily, the fabulous donation of a new film plus upcoming free time may conspire to double (or even triple? nay, say it not lest it come not to pass!) that number for September.

I'm so glad I gave up the hopeless dream of finishing this project in 2010. Oh, me. I'd be so disappointed right now.

Aha! My critics (mostly John and my cats) thought I wouldn't make it, but here it is - another review and it is still technically July! Booyah! Take that! I'm going to celebrate and you can't stop me!

That was exhausting. I'm off to cleanse my palate with a little modern horror. And speaking of modern horror: Greydon Clark's 1990 film Dance Macabre, featuring Robert Englund in the main role, is seriously going to get to my house if I have to go to Clark's and hit him with a bat until he gives up the reels. I'm not playing around anymore, Amazon. Stop making my life hard.

My enthusiasm over this crime drama has substantially dimmed, due to the fact that it is a torturous chore to read. You can all probably tell this is true because the review of it is still not up yet (goal set: finish that before August, or so help me I will be very disappointed in myself and probably self-medicated with dairy products). It has gotten to the point where every day I read a chapter, fall down on my desk in operatically dramatic despair, and then have a fight with John as he tries to confiscate the book and burn it so he doesn't have to continually watch me reenact Isolde's death scene over a piece of literature.

While I will be finishing it despite these trials, I've had some interesting discussions with my erstwhile partner in Phantom readings, and he's of the opinion that if something is making it so hard to read that I'm literally grinding to a halt on the Project, I should probably stop and move on to something else. While this idea has some merit - not reading and writing < reading and writing - it also feels unfair: how can I properly review something without reading all of it? What if there are serious plot changes, style shifts or clever denouements at the end that change the entire piece's impact or tone? It seems like not finishing a piece is always selling its possibilities short, even though nine times out of ten it's probably not going to improve at the last minute. But this is scholarship, so fairness is what I'm about. And goddammit, no book is going to beat me. I will KO this book if it thinks it wants some.

You asked for it: you got it. One painfully vampire-filled review served up fancy-style. I seriously thought I was going to get it finished yesterday and then I could proudly claim I'd done two reviews in May, but obviously that didn't pan out. Anne: can't even keep imaginary deadlines that no one cares about. I'd hang my head in shame, but then I wouldn't be able to see the next book in line.

Which, by the way, is apparently a crime drama. So there's that to look forward to, right? Bring that shit ON.

What, what? It's a review!

I really need to start pacing reviews better; I keep putting big chunks of full-length novels and films together, instead of breaking them up with short stories, and as a result I do one review a month for a while and then do four in a fast and furious you-can't-handle it flurry (alliteration!). There's no time! The engines can't take it anymore!

But seriously, we're going to try to keep this ball rolling. Next up: a short story from eeeeveryone's favorite vampirically-oriented author. Watch this space.