Oh, the internet.  Every day there is a new moment when I realize that opening my web browser is like diving into a Roman orgy in the hopes of finding a pocket dictionary hidden somewhere on the premises.

I figured I'd kick this blog's new inaugural day off with a look at all the things it's not about, because Google, Yahoo and other search engines of note are very confused about it.  I kid you not: out of the top twenty search terms that lead people to the Project, ten of them are the names of porn stars.  Fifty percent of my readership are confused, horny people who were just out looking for sultry pictures of their favorite adult film celebrities and instead were hit in the face with a wall of literary criticism.  It's got to be deflating for them, so I'd like to apologize: sorry, internet vagabonds, but I only talk about the non-fun parts of porn.

For a jaunt into my world, let's take a look at some of the other amazing search terms that have led wanderers to my site:

worksafe porn - Um... I feel like someone may not have fully disclosed the meaning of at least one of those two words to you, searcher.

proctor phantoms - Is this referring to some kind of version of the story wherein Erik acts as a district attorney, like Leroux and Dick Wolf collaborated on the new blockbuster television craze?  Oh, my god, I would watch that forever.

blood red throne monument of death - Technically all of those words are on the site multiple times, but I can't help wondering who on earth is searching for this, and why.

one day at a time sweet jesus sheet music - Boy, are you lost.  I'm so sorry.

baby hand deformity - When in doubt, consult the medical wisdom of the internet.

shelob's lair - Ah ha ha ha ha, yes.  Come into my parlor, unwary internet travelers.

sudden sniffing death - I... what?

phantom shit - May I direct you to my F-grade section?

okay man - You... searched for "okay man" and somehow you chose here out of all the places you could have clicked on?  I mean... okay, man.

ricksavage.com - Yes; this person searched for a web address and then clicked through to a completely different website.

what did people blame for causing the plague? - Many things, but your answers do not lie here, wee one trying to use the internet as a source for a paper.

This could go on for hours, but luckily there is only so long even I can be entertained by internet stupidity.  Luckily, enough people actually get here that are trying to get here that I don't feel the need to just give up and reinvent myself as a porn-vending thesis-writer for hire.

If it looks like I'm trying to procrastinate instead of having to read yet another book about the Phantom as a vampire... that's probably because that's what I'm doing.